Going through life I have had some weird observations that have both bewildered and truly, utterly confused me.

First: You probably haven’t observed this, and my pointing it out will undoubtedly begin to bug you as you watch TV shows and movies in the future. In late night outdoor scenes, there is a 99% chance you will see a full moon.

So, does this mean only dramatic, humourous things occur when the scenes show a full moon, or is it just cheaper and more effective to use a ‘canned’ full moon shot just about every time?

Second: Why, during cooking shows, do you drool while they are preparing a specific dish? They meticulously outline complete ingredients and procedures, but you automatically reject and shut down the dish when you either don’t have, or don’t know  what that certain ingredient is, or the procedure looks too time-consuming. Nope, screw it, not going to do that!

Third: You most definitely want to kick your cat’s, or dog’s butts from here to eternity when they repeatedly do stupid things, but fear repercussions for animal cruelty? If you are, or have ever been a pet owner....just admit it. But don’t do it.

Fourth: You yell (argue) with your spouse or offspring over something that has happened, and about halfway through the anger, you realize it is, probably, certainly  your fault. You don’t apologize, but quickly ‘de-steam’ and change the subject.

Fifth: Your stupid cat has just unrolled and decimated the 30th roll of toilet paper because somebody ignored the rules and left the bathroom door open to a feline invasion.  (Refer to #3)

Sixth: You step, barefoot into dog poo, pee, or vomit in the middle of a late night bathroom relief trip. With multiple animals you are not certain who the culprit was, but you have a pretty good idea. (Refer to #3)

Seventh: You’re in the middle of a dramatic scene of a heart-stopping TV show and the telephone rings. You do most definitely not want to answer, but it could be something dramatic, life changing, from a friend, or relative. Me, I let it ring.

Eighth: You forgot to start up the dishwasher and in the morning will use any leftover utensil, dish, whatever to have that bowl of cereal.

Ninth: same goes for laundry. You are miffed beyond belief that the load of  clothes has been sitting in the dryer for 24 hours and debate: Should I rewash, or just push the dryer button.

Tenth: You answer the phone and it is definitely someone you may want to talk to, but they are dragging the conversation on (usually one-sided). You find any exit point in the conversation,   and use the opportunity.

Eleventh: You are old and entitled, going the speed limit, but definitely nothing more. You chuckle at the thought that the young whippersnapper in the vehicle behind you is steaming. Then you remember how you were once a young whippersnapper.

Twelfth: You’re on  hold while on the telephone, listening to a company’s hold music. Due to your old age you really like the canned music and are upset when somebody actually answers the phone.

Thirteenth: Your sitting in your exclusive recliner and suddenly realize you cannot find the TV remote. You don’t want to move from comfort, but damn, you can’t exist without the remote within sight. Do what I do, simply call for your wife and place finding the remote on her shoulders.

Fourteenth: You’re in the same recliner, ready to watch that TV show you have been waiting anxiously for and after eight minutes, you have fallen asleep, missing the whole, unrecorded one-time experience.

Fifteenth: You’re efficient and immediately do the laundry including all the clothes you wore that day. Next morning you retrieve the washed and dried clothes and figure, what the hell, and wear the same clothes as yesterday. If you are anything like me, the process can be repeated up to a week, or more. 

Sixteenth: The question comes up - early in the morning-What should we have for dinner? During the day the debate goes on with no resolution. Finally, when dinner time is about to arrive,  you chuck it all and either order out, or microwave those chicken pot pies that have been in the freezer since 1972.

Seventeenth: You mark that important date on your calendar (or in this case your wife does for something she really wants to go to). The date arrives and you squirm your way out of going using any tactic devised by man.