Okay, I don’t usually go out on a limb for this, but I am going to give you the ‘Ron Holdraker’s sure-fire method for staying out of jail’, or at least from getting arrested.

Now, pay attention, these words of wisdom come after years of study and observation. I should really be charging for this advice, but I am a great humanitarian, if nothing else.

• If you are of “legal age”, don’t sleep with boys, or girls who are not.

This will only lead to an arrest for sex crimes that will end in a conviction and a good chance you will be listed on the State’s Sexual Predator’s List...forever!

It will also make your friends, and especially your family, place you into the category of weird person to avoid at all cost and never use as a baby sitter.

All eyes will be on your every move at family gatherings, if you are at all invited to such gatherings.

Gathering and sharing, via social media, children being sexually abused is most definitely placing you in the “Oh, my god I have to survive prison” category.

I addition, you have a pretty good chance your arrest and subsequent ‘mug shot’ will appear in the Times of Wayne County.

• If you are caught stealing anything from a store, or friend, family, or employer, chances are you have screwed the pooch.

Family, friends and jobs will either ‘snarkle’ at your arrest, or watch the silverware when you visit.

Trust is a valuable tool in existing, and once you lost it, you lost it.

Getting banned from Walmart is hard to explain - why you are banned from certain stores and why you can’t go shopping with friends, or family.

Your employer probably frowns on convictions for Petit Larceny, or Grand Larceny, making it difficult to earn a living.

Trust me, I have had people from the past begging to expunge their arrests and mug shots from the history of the paper, in hopes of landing employment.  What is done, cannot be undone.

Also, the pure embarrassment of having your arrest and possible mug in the Times of Wayne County is simply not worth the effort, or rush you get from stealing.

Of course, there are family and friends who sympathize with your ‘getting caught’, but let’s admitted it, you hang with creepy people.

• After years of Driving While Intoxicated stories and mug shots in this paper, what does it take to make you stop drinking and driving?

I had some woman tell me once that she did not mind her husband getting blitzed on booze, as long as he never got into a vehicle and drove. She said she would drop said husband in a minute if he ever appeared for DWI in this paper.

Drinking and drug intoxication is bad enough, without compounding it with an arrest. Once again, the arrest and possible mug with appear in the Times of Wayne County.

• Beating a woman, wife, or other should be a clear sign you have issues. There simply is no reason for domestic violence, or angrily hitting another human being.

Not only does such an arrest label you as a jerk, but once again the employment issue may arise. Not only that, but your arrest and mug shot will appear in the Times of Wayne County.

• There are a number of other flagrant violations of law, resisting arrest, assault on a police officer, numerous serious vehicle and traffic violations, failing to register as a sex offender,  property damage, etc... that will lead you to become famous in a really bad way, when it appears in the Times of Wayne County.

There are a number of you scum that appear numerous times in the Times. For you, no warning will suffice, you’re scum. There are entire families of crooks, creeps and crime conjurers that appear in the Times on a regular basis, they too are well known scum families

Thank you for reading my sure fire methods for staying out of trouble and staying out of the considered bad part of the Times of Wayne County.

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