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The Lost Keys + My Favorite Son (for the day)

by Ron Holdraker
July 6, 2020

The lost keys

For three excruciating days, Wife Patti was bemoaning the loss of her keys. “I have searched the whole house. They are nowhere to be found. I am going to order a new set and get another key from the post office for our mail box,” she went on and on.

To make things even more annoying, she was standing in front of my recliner as I was watching one of my daytimes shows.

“Look,” I stated. “You need the keys to start the car, right! So it makes sense you misplaced them in the house, right?  So, they have to be here, right? So keep looking!”

Onward and onward she whined. “No, I lost them. I have looked everywhere,” she continued clamoring. “Okay,” I will help you search the house,” as I pushed the semi-slow recliner ejection button.

As Wife Patti continued her tirade, the recliner ejection system finished. I got up, walked 10 feet and -  in under a minute - was holding her keys and key bob in my hand, holding them high in my hand as a easy fought prize.

“Where did you find them,” she quizzed? “Uhm, right in your jacket pocket hanging over a kitchen chair,” I  said in a perplexed confusion. “Didn’t you think to look in the only jacket hanging over a chair in the kitchen?”

“But I wasn’t wearing a jacket when I went out three days ago,” she asserted. At this moment I slapped my head in a Homer Simpson fashion and simply wanted to cry.

“For three days you searched the house and never thought to look in your jacket pocket, the only one hanging over a kitchen chair?” I chided.

Thus is the life of a 40+++ married man. Of course, I could not let it end there. For three long days, Wife Patti had  even involved  our two son’s entire families as they visited and listened to  Wife Patti about her damn lost keys and how it would overturn her entire life.

I immediately called both sons to inform them of my victory over a very confused woman I had obviously bested - in under a minute. Both sons laughed heartily, with Son Devin logging in with a “and you were surprised”?

My favorite son (for the day)

Son Devin was concerned that his “elderly” father was attempting to cut tree branches with what he considered an inadequate tool. He promised to arrive with his new battery operated chain saw and make quick work of the task. Okay, he arrived a day late during one of my fav daytime shows as I reclined in my usual position. He went out and in about 45 minutes on a very hot, steamy day, made the initial cuts necessary. He retreated sweaty, full of tree sap, wood chips and dirt, but claimed a victory. He was using a 40 volt, Ryobi chain saw that we both agreed had the power of a gas counterpart.

I was so impressed with the saw, that I travelled to Home Depot to purchase one, completing my set of Ryobi battery operated tools.

Son Devin queried why I would purchase the tool instead of just borrowing his? The answer is simple. I needed a whole lot more tree cutting throughout the yard. I have also discovered, thanks to my two sons, that tools borrowed simply fall into the “never seen again” category. It is amazing how, over the years, my tools disappear, including ladders, power washers, to say nothing of non-powered tools of every size and  use.

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