ME: "I’m going on strike. As the the editor of the Times, who worked through the COVID fiasco without murmuring, one cannot deny monetary rewards should be had."
I: "Don’t be ridiculous. Those were lean times at the Times and everybody suffered somewhat. What makes you think you deserve more than anyone else?"
ME: "Well, for one thing working just as hard before, during and after the COVID, without actual vacation time and without mingling with others, was a bit demoralizing. Missing human contact left ME alone and scared".
I: Who are you kidding. You don’t like people, in general. You never take a vacation and only tolerate occasional 2-day trips to New York City to watch Broadway shows because your Wife Patti insists on getting away."
ME: "Well, that may be true, but suffering through 34+ years of writing this damn column has left ME few, if any friends".
I: "Honestly, you never had any friends. The ones you had were chased away with your snide remarks and overall making fun of them, especially on social media".
ME: "But working 24/7 on this paper and only seeing family when they visit, including the dear grandchildren is tough".
I: "You are disagreeable when family visits, sit in your recliner the whole time and hardly mutter a word. You only tolerate the grandchildren for 20 minute stretches and become grumpier by the minute".
ME: "Not my fault, they visit at inopportune times, like when an interesting documentary, news show, or favorite series, or movie is on".
I: Meaning anytime the TV is on?"
ME: "Well, yeah. Why don’t they visit when the TV if off, that would be a bit tolerable."
I: You realize the actual problem is you, right?
ME: "Hey, we are getting off topic here. A STRIKE for more of anything including more money and time, to perhaps read books, should be on my agenda".
I: "There are a pile of books on the shelves you ordered, thinking they would pique your interest, but you never touched. You don’t read books, remember?"
ME: Perhaps a pay raise would make me a better employee. Perhaps if my work was more appreciated, no strike would be necessary. Perhaps if equality in remunerations with the higher ups would show my true worth".
I: You realize there is no one higher in this company that you...right? You realize that the three partners in this company are equal and nobody gets more, or less pay than you...right?"
ME: "That’s my point. As the originator of the Times, the one that puts his neck out with this column every week, the one people blame for everything and anything that is, in their opinion wrong, perhaps more pay would soothe my ego". There should be more for ME, being the face of the Times".
I: You have no ego. Every time someone comes by, you are laid back in your recliner watching TV, or sleeping. How would anyone believe you’re worth a raise, or any benefits beyond a new recliner every couple of years"?
ME: That hurts.
I: Besides all that, you are the one settled in the recliner, who is an Amazon junkie. You order everything and anything. Half the time you have no idea what is in the package sitting on the porch. You are the one who knows the names and birthdays of all delivery people. Who has the stones to have a separate Amazon bank account for all the crazy stuff you order? Just how many vehicle recording video cameras do you now have?
ME: "That’s it! A STRIKE is on. There is no way any Times employee should be exposed to such harsh conditions while the uppity-ups sit high on their perches".
I: Again, you fail to realize you are the uppity-up in this company and a strike against yourself would be fruitless. You are not going to get more. There is only so much water in the well".
ME: With that attitude no wonder there are disgruntled employees here".
I: You know, perhaps you’re right.
Join the picket line with yourself, demand more, but meanwhile the dogs will occupy your recliner, and you will miss that documentary and fall asleep half way through. You always do..."
ME: True, but it still hurts".